An Ounce of Control
by strawnilla
Summary: As the platoon captain, Haruki is always reserved. He knows how to control himself. He knows how to control his sudden wants and urges, but not all of the teenagers in Jenock do.


its been so long since ive posted anything but here! hi! i was busy im sorry i went on an unannounced hiatus so HAVE THIS FANFIC

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It's weird.

The more he thinks about it, the more Haruki realizes that he doesn't feel surprised at all. It's just… It feels… weird.

It's weird because this person is his confidant. It's weird because this person is someone he talks to most of the time and exchange looks carrying secret messages with from across the room. It's weird because this same person is also the one who understands him easily and vice versa.

It's weird because Haruki is in love with his best friend, Hoshihara Hikaru.

To his credit, Haruki expected that falling in love was like… well, _falling_. And falling always hurt didn't it?

But not in his case.

Realizing that he's in love with his best friend was something gradual. They would be working on their homework in the dorm commons with Hikaru sitting on his right, Sakuya and Arata in front of them. Haruki would move his book closer to Hikaru, to show him a problem they can discuss over how to solve, and the two of them would lean into each other so close Haruki could catch a whiff of Hikaru's vanilla shampoo.

He also realized at one point that Arata spent less time with Hikaru and more with Muraku, which kind of became a chain reaction of Haruki spending more time with Hikaru. He even swore once that Hikaru stayed in his dorm room more than Muraku does, and Muraku's his roommate.

("At this rate, you should just ask Muraku to swap rooms with you."

"That's not a bad idea.")

And one of the most obvious signs… was the fleeting but solid want to kiss Hikaru.

It happened every time they stood or sat too close together. Haruki felt the urge to just sweep in and seal those soft lips with his. To just wrap his arms around Hikaru's waist and pull the blond close to his body, or to push him against a wall and paralyze the beauty there. It didn't even matter where they were, a Jenock meeting, a study group, or even the Swallow Café. He's just grateful he had enough self-control to _not_ do it and dismiss the thoughts away.

(He can't imagine the damage that would happen if he went through with his wants 97% of the time.)

At first he thought nothing of those urges. Blamed it on the hormones, maybe.

He finds out it didn't even matter if he held back. Because apparently every time he held back, the urges grew stronger when they returned.

He is so, _so_ lucky that he isn't as reckless as Arata.

(Arata kissed Muraku out of the blue sometime before, right in the middle of a Jenock meeting. Needless to say everyone screamed in surprise, and Muraku was a red blubbering mess. Mito-sensei was not at all pleased.)

Haruki has confidence, such high confidence, that he'll always manage to hold back from acting on his feelings. He never doubts it for one second.

So it doesn't at all bother him when Hikaru falls asleep on his shoulder, face peacefully serene and body warm against his own.

Haruki continues on reading his novel, having pretended that he didn't notice the blond leaning against him. His heart jumped a little, yes, but it soon returned to a gentle pulse. The other members of Jenock mingle about the common room, or watching the old spy series on TV, oblivious to the duo on one of the sofas.

The captain of the First Platoon decides to take a moment's glance at Hikaru, and he smiles softly at how adorable Hikaru is right now. Don't get him wrong, Haruki really wants to pin Hikaru to the sofa right now and kiss him breathless, but _self-control_. He has it. Arata doesn't.

(As much as everyone else ignores him and Hikaru on the sofa, they also ignore the fact that Arata dragged Muraku away not fifteen minutes ago. They also ignored the sound of a door slamming. Haruki's convinced Hikaru's going to have to bunk with him tonight.)

Haruki nudges the blond awake gently. "Hey, wake up."

Hikaru groans, sits up straight, and rubs his eyes before he yawns.

Haruki holds back from clutching his heart. Too cute.

"If you're going to sleep, at least do it in a bed." Haruki says, closing his novel for real in favour of helping Hikaru find a favourable place to crash. And also to make sure Hikaru doesn't stumble into room 302 by accident. He's sure nobody would want that.

He stands up and offers his hand to the blond. "Come on, you're sleeping in my room tonight."

"Huh…?" Hikaru says, blinks and squints at Haruki's hand, before taking it. Haruki can almost see the gears turning in the other's brain as he puts two and two together. "Don't tell me…"

Haruki nods. "Yup."

Hikaru groans as he lets himself be pulled up. "I am so making Muraku switch rooms with me."

Haruki laughs, but he lets his hopes rise. That's at least one thing he lets himself do.

The captain lets go of the other's hand as they bid their friends good night. He leads the way to the room, and is once again sort of grateful Tome-san isn't strict on which room you're sleeping in, as long as everyone's here and accounted for.

(He isn't quite grateful because it meant freedom for Arata to make Muraku sleep with him. Which meant Hikaru bunking in with him. Which is both terrible and wonderful and exactly what is happening right now.)

He unlocks the door to his room and Hikaru, with his steps sluggish from sleep, almost barrels in right onto Muraku's bed. The blond reaches his arm back to untie his ponytail, and the sight of Hikaru in bed with his hair loose is Haruki's favourite.

Hikaru snuggles under the duvet comfortably. He's used to this kind of emergency. They all are. Haruki wishes they aren't. The blond has his eyes closed, and it takes a while for Haruki to realize he's staring. Immediately, he steps towards his study and keeps his novel there. Self-control.

He lets himself take a few moments to calm himself, to rein his thoughts back in line. When he turns around, he sees Hikaru is sitting on the bed with his legs dangled over the floor. The room is already dark, but lit only by the full moon outside, so it isn't a surprise he can still see the blond clearly.

"Haruki."

His heart skips a little when he answers. "Yes?"

"Can you come here for a moment?" Hikaru says.

Haruki's heart does a back flip. He doesn't answer, instead choosing to walk closer to Hikaru and sitting next to him. "What is it?"

It's a silent moment for a while, as Haruki ponders on what Hikaru might be thinking right now. The moment stretches. Haruki wants to ask again what's wrong, because Hikaru is wearing quite an expression right now—eyebrows furrowed, eyes narrowed, and lips pursed.

Except he can't.

Because then, Hikaru is kissing him.

Oh.

He is too stunned, too taken aback to do anything about it. It's a simple kiss, a closed-mouth one that sends tingles all the way down to Haruki's toes.

When Hikaru pulls away, Haruki first notices that his face is positively _burning_. Hikaru isn't in a better condition; his face is red to the tip of his ears. He also notices that Hikaru has his hands in Haruki's hair, and he thinks, _when did that happen?_

Hikaru sighs, resting his forehead against Haruki's.

"I like you so much, but I also very much hate the fact that you have a lot of willpower." He hears Hikaru say.

"W…What?" Haruki replies; he's still very much confused.

"You think I wouldn't notice? You weren't being subtle about it, with those long stares of yours that make me scream inside." Hikaru says.

Haruki blushes deeper. "Oh my God."

"I was waiting for you to make the first move, but to Hell with it, nothing will happen if I leave it to you."

"Please stop talking, Hikaru." Haruki can feel his blush all the way down to his neck. He tries to hide his face behind his arms, but Hikaru stops him. The blond kisses him again, and his eyes widen, mostly in surprise and disbelief that this is happening. Any willpower he has melts under the heat, and he kisses back, wrapping his arms around Hikaru's neck and closing his eyes. He feels something soft on his back and head, and wonders when did Hikaru push him down on the bed. He forgets all of that when Hikaru bit his bottom lip.

They pull away, and Haruki can hear his heart running a marathon in his ears. He can hear their laboured breaths too, his and Hikaru's mingling together in the dark.

When Haruki opens his eyes, he sees Hikaru smiling.

"It's a good thing I don't really have a lot of self-control then, huh?" Hikaru says.

Haruki gulps. That is a very good thing indeed.

(And if he has a theory in his head that anyone who resides in room 302 has absolutely zero or low willpower, then he can't be blamed for it.)


End file.
